Trauma-Rama

Remember reading those little reader letters in YM and Seventeen magazine?? I've been thinking about that this morning since my baby brother called me at 3:50 a.m.

He has no concept of time.

What I am about to write is traumatic, yes. But not so much in the "started my cycle in gym class in front of my crush who probably doesn't know my name" kind of way...

So really the title is just something that came to me in the wee hours. Bear with me. It is early.

Okay...so I should have gone to medical school.

I have correctly diagnosed myself so many times that by now I would have been a gazillionaire for only treating myself.

I really am deaf in my left ear. I was not exaggerating or being a hypochondriac.

And here is how that happened:

I got a drainage tube inserted in January to alleviate some of the pressure problems and residual fluid left over after my sinus surgery last July. My "narrow passages" weren't allowing my Eustachian tube to drain properly...

Standard procedure. The did it in the office. It burned like the fire of a thousand suns. I almost passed out, and the nurse had to get me a wet rag and make sure I didn't vomit on her. Not embarrassing at all.

Well, you know how they (whoever "they" are) say that a negligible percentage of people will have an adverse reaction to some portion of every procedure?

Well in this case that percentage is .0026.

And I am that person.

Mama always said I was special...

Apparently I have zero tolerance for Phenol, the drug used to anesthetize the eardrum. It is used to both numb and cauterize the area of the eardrum that is about to be operated on--so you don't feel it and it doesn't bleed.

Pretty much what happened is that the Phenol killed my eardrum. Seriously. The blood supply never came back, and it essentially died.

To make matters worse I developed a fungal infection--very common around here, but it further damaged the eardrum.

Goodbye eardrum. It was so nice to have you around for 28 years.

Here is a before and after for your viewing pleasure:
I really should be a graphic designer with those mad photoshop skills.

Basically, my ossicles (hearing bones) are flapping in the breeze.

My doctor actually said that.

I am going to have my eardrum replaced soon (probably May). I had no idea that could be done, but you know... the miracle of modern medicine. It's called a tympanoplasty. And they will have to CUT MY EAR OFF and glue it back on. HMMM...

So, the bad news is that I can't hear jack. And I have a huge hole in my head.

The good news is that my hearing should return to normal after the surgery... So far I have no permanent nerve damage. And I am not in any pain. I am, however, exhausted by the end of the day from just hearing noise.

And exhausted from finally being off Prednisone after 10 very long days.

Has anyone ever taken that? Seriously I thought my mind would explode. I was all over the place--getting up at 4:30 a.m. TO DO STUFF. That is so not me. I think I even freaked Justin out with my get-it-done-ness. I know it worried him when I couldn't stop to take a nap. That is certainly a clue that something is not quite right.

Anyway, if anyone wants to write an article about me in a medical journal, Holla.